Fake Smile I’m so happy to FINALLY be able to share that my second album will be called Fake Smile. I’m so excited for this to be released 2nd June, it’s been a hell of a long time in the making. I started this project before my last album was even released, so it’s been well over a year. The track listing will be. 1 Do I Ever Cross Your Mind 2 Liar (What’s Wrong with You) 3 Revenge 4 Poison 5 Fake Smile 6 Delete 7 Perfect or Not 8 The Jokes on You 9 Turn Back Time (I’m So Sorry) – Album Version 10 Too Much 11 Nothinz Gonna Stop M£ 12 One That Got Away (Extended) 13 Overthinking 14 Rules (Blah Blah) 15 Playing Tricks on Me 16 Game Show This project has been a very difficult but liberating experience, I have opened so many cans of worms I feel like I’m doing a bush tucker trial on I’m A Celeb. The reason I wanted this to be called Fake Smile is because so many times in my life I have hidden behind one. Every track on this album I wanted to be associated with times where a Fake Smile has been worn, or that is an experience where one would be worn. Here is a little more explanation into the songs on the album: Do I Ever Cross Your Mind. This song is to me is about the times when I was bullied in school, college and even workplace, with this leaving mental scares from these experiences they can sometimes play over and over in my head. One day while I was sat there, I thought “I wonder if what they did to me, and other people play on their mind too” and that’s when this song was written. Do I Ever Cross Their Mind because what they put me though does cross mine quite a lot. Liar (What’s Wrong with You) Liar is actually a mixture of events that happened to me or around me. First one is when you have that one person in your life that constantly bullshits and shit stirs about rumours they have heard, made up or spread blatant lies. The second is having a very powerful person doing exactly the same thing but getting so much pleasure out of it, they deliberately fuelling the fire to discipline people to make them fill bigger and better then everyone around them. But what they don’t realise is everyone knows what is going on and what they are trying to do. Revenge Revenge is hidden behind everything. The question “What If” is always playing on everyone’s mind and that’s what this song is about for me “What if Revenge wasn’t real”. the song refers to many situations which would result in revengeful thinking and seeking revenge. This song does have some meaning to me about people wanting revenge on me but also me wanting revenge on them. it’s also about the way the world is now being so materialistic and trying to sell the better life on social media but knowing it’s not what it’s all made to be behind closed doors. Poison Poison is about the Venomous Snakes, Scorpions, Sharks, Spiders that you encounter in your life, these are the types of people you don’t want in your life. Snakes – suffocating people who want to control you, wrap you tight around their little finger and suck the life out of you. Scorpions – people who sting you, who are not interested in friendships or relationships, they only want something from you and as soon as they get it, they disappear. Sharks – The people who bite your head off when things don’t go their way, or if you disagree with them. sharks who target you because they want to rip you apart, put you down and make you seem small and worthless to make them feel powerful and in control. Spiders – the people who spin webs of lies around themselves and you. The ones who think its ok to stir the pot and make people clash while they sit back and watch in dark corners. (This is a different version then the single version.) Fake Smile This song is all about shielding yourself from the hate in the world that you have received or that goes on around you. It’s about protecting yourself and not revealing the true hurt or pain that you’re going though. It’s to stop the ones who cause the pain getting pleasure and satisfaction in seeing how much they have hurt you. It’s about covering all your emotions with a Fake Smile plastered on your face acting like a brick wall keeping everything locked away and hidden from others. This is what I have done for my whole life and its only recently that I have started to open up and let people in, this is why this song means so much to me because I’m still learning from it all to not hide away, not lock everything up and keep it hidden behind a fake smile. Delete Nowadays it feels like the world only spins only because of social media. People push their limits with what they ask for. Someone can be very polite and seem genuine but then as soon as you don’t do as they say they turn very bitter and aggressive. Like they think they know you, that they are able to control you as well. Social Media can be very misleading and can also be extremely hateful and hurtful. This being said if you mess with me, treat me like shit, demand stuff from me that’s unacceptable then the only option you have given me is to DELETE you. Perfect Or Not Have you ever got into a disagreement/argument with a very close friend, relative, lover and it’s escalated to hights that seem impossible to come down from? Perfect Or not is about the fact that no one is perfect. People make mistakes and this can be held against them, or grudges being held, this is what most people end up doing, whether it be family, lovers, or friends the time you are angry, and fighting is time that you are losing on making memories and having a great time. plus, most of the time it starts on something very petty and small which just escalates. The Jokes on You This is about when I was in school (Year 8 to be precise) I was bullied very badly where people would tell me to jump off a bridge, cut myself, chase me with razor blades in the end of their pens they had made to try and cut me up. All these events still play on my mind but the satisfaction in knowing that I have made something of my life and I’m happy now. The fact that their ways have scared me but not stopped me and the joke is on them now as I have a very nice life and dare, I say a lot better they how they turned out. Turn Back Time (I’m So Sorry) – Album Version Turn back time is about what I went through the day my mum passed away. It’s about the guilt that I feel for not being there at the time, the not knowing even though I physically couldn’t have known. It’s the what ifs and all the little questions that eat away at me. This is a slightly different version to the Single version. Too Much Too Much is about the fact that I never thought that love would ever happen to me. I always thought I was not capable of being loved. It’s about these questions. Have you ever felt you don’t deserve anything? You have gotten something that you don’t feel you should have? You are scared that what you have got could all be taken away from you leaving you vulnerable again? Does it all feel a little too much sometimes. Nothinz Gonna Stop M£ This is about wanting to go out and letting your hair down and have a good night, no matter what people say about you, what’s going on in your life at the time. You just want to get out and enjoy yourself. Sleep won’t stop you; Money won’t stop you; venomous bitches won’t stop you either. It’s your life, live it how you want to live it and have fun. One That Got Away One That Got Away is about the roads that you didn’t take in life, it’s about knowing that these would have been very treacherous and the wrong choice to make. It’s about reflecting on what’s around you and realising that things are good; it’s about realising that it could have been so much worse than you thought. Whether it about an ex, your career, things that have happened in your live or about groups that you distanced yourself from knowing they are no good for you. This song came about when I was in the garden burning a lot of things. This Version is longer than the single version. Overthinking I wrote this song when my mind was going wild. It’s about how one thing that happens to me can send me into a spiral. This really happened and one day I wrote this to try and stop myself. It was over something so stupid and small but because of that it made me think no one liked me, it made me think they were singling me out, it made me feel like they didn’t want me around, I honestly thought they were pushing me out and it just got bigger and bigger, and I was falling harder. It turned out to be a very valid reason that made me feel stupid for questioning everything under the sun. Rules (Blah Blah) This song is about pushing my buttons, it’s about people knowing exactly what makes me tick. This is mainly about the times when I was in school or college and the number of rules that I broke because they just didn’t suit me. Also, I use to break rules to try and fit in and reduce the amount of bulling I received, this didn’t work. So, it made me question rules in general, I break rules like them, but they still don’t like me, so I don’t fit their rules. It was a constant spiral, and I just didn’t know what rules the correct ones were to follow so made my own up to follow. Playing Tricks on Me I remember vividly when and where this happened. One day I was doing the school run and just listening to some music, a lady was walking with their back to me, and my heart sank, I remember thinking to myself that she looked exactly like my mum. I remember it was down a road near the school outside Tesco, she was walking like my mum did, same hair, same style of clothes as well. I was convinced it was her, but my mind was just playing tricks on me because I knew it was physically impossible to have been her. I then remember I burst into tears because I got so overwhelmed by the whole thing. This resulting in me going down a very dark hole for a long time, I ended up seeking help from wellbeing to help me out. Game Show People these days really love to play games with you in life, they really love to test you at everything you do. This song is about trying to compete with you to try and be bigger and better than you. I’ve referenced this to being like a game show because you feel like you’re a contestant trying to get the top prize and be on top of everyone else. It’s about people trying to put you down, show off that they think they are so much better than you and want to be the centre of attention and will do anything to achieve this. There has been a lot of thought gone into this project and its was a real challenge to get this exactly how I wanted it. I’m so proud of this album and what I’ve achieved, it’s a different sound then my first one but the meanings of the song are just as personal and meaningful to me. Hope you enjoy the album and feel free to send your feedback to be. Much love Scott Berry
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Hello, Scott here.
Just sending this message basically as an awareness to everyone, I’m not in a good place at this moment, mentally. I’m incredibly down and feel very depressed at the moment, I know I shouldn’t feel like this as I have my new material all scheduled for release and getting positive comments from them and brilliant streams but I’m struggling. I’m not saying all this for sympathy, I’m saying this to bring awareness. We don’t know what people go through; we don’t know what people are going through, and this is why I think its so important that we have these groups to all stay connected and share our experiences, talent and to just build friendships in an industry we love. I am going to say sorry for this, but I needed to doing this for my mental health, to try and help others too who may be going through similar but staying quiet about it all because they think its better or scared. Its ok to share your voice, don’t silence it. Here to listen to anyone who wants to just get something off there chest. Much love Scott x My January bluesOn the 31st January it marks 10 years since my mum passed away.
Honestly, I can’t believe it’s been that long, literally seeming only yesterday that I was sat in the chair at her place having a coffee and cigarette. With this, January is always a very tough month for me, and I do struggle to get through it, I have so many memories from that period 10 years ago and so many regrets and the guilt really eats away at me. I know there is nothing that could have been changed or done but I think that part of it will never go away. She was admitted into hospital on the 1st January 2013 which we thought wasn’t serious as a few times she had been admitted for her MS, we had to wait for tests to be done and for certain people to come and check her over like the MS Doctor. 3 weeks later we were in the same position, and during that time they didn’t make her get up and move around out of her bed. So, she was laying down for over 3 weeks. At this point she had become very constipated, everything she ate she would throw up and she had become so weak I was hand feeding her. Why this was happening we still don’t know. Eventually the people who were meant to see her and check her over turned up but said she needs tests (ones that had already been done) and she was to weak and unwell for them to truly understand. This was a few days before she passed away, every night after I finished work (I worked in the hospital) I would go and visit her. The whole month of January 2013 was very snowy I do remember that. The night before I remember going to see her and she wasn’t really with it, she kept going on about the young boy/man standing at the bottom of her bed. At the time I thought nothing of it, and I tried to feed her, but she just threw it up again and when visiting hours were over, I had to leave her. I said my goodbyes not realising that would be the very last time I would be able to talk to her or she would talk back. I drove home in the snow and all I kept thinking about was the man she was talking about and how strange that was, she wasn’t very spiritual, so I think that’s why it came as such a shock. The next morning I went to work as normal, got there at 8am and at about 8:20 my office phone rang, I answered it and they said “Mr Berry this is (the ward she was on) please could you come down now please” from this I didn’t think anything of it so I called my husband who also worked at the hospital. We both made our way there and he started running, I kept saying why are you running for, he said it could be something serious, but I just thought it was information back on the results from tests. We arrived at the ward and I could see her cubical and there must have been about 30 people around, they ushered me into a store closet to begin with and I could se they were all really anxious and rushing around. I remember thinking to myself “what’s going on”. Because I had full view of what was happening they moved me to the waiting room around the corner out of sight. I then remember thinking this isn’t good. The doctor came in the room dark blue scrubs on and sat opposite us both. She started by saying loads of positive things about how she had a blood clot to the heart which was making her heart beat out of rhythm and was responding well to some medication they had given her, and I was thinking positively at that point but then she said “but unfortunately we couldn’t…..” at this point I remember my mind going blank. I had no idea what’s was being said and I honestly can’t remember what I did. I think I burst into tears but it just didn’t register what was happening. A little while later, could have been minutes or hours I just have no idea I had to phone my sister to tell her and I just couldn’t get the words out and I remember my sister being silent. It was the first time I had truly felt heartbroken. After that the doctor said would you like to see her, I didn’t know what to expect but I said yes. We walked into the ward, there was 8 beds in it and the curtains around her cubicle were drawn. I walked in and she was laying there lifeless but like she was asleep, I instantly burst into tears. I went to her side and grabbed her hand and I remember it was still warm, I started shaking it and saying wake up, please wake up while I was sobbing. I just couldn’t believe that she has gone. They finally said that we had to leave, and I remember coming out the cubicle and everyone on the ward, patients, doctors, and nurses were all in tears. I felt so numb I do remember that. As I left, I just didn’t know what to do, I couldn’t process what was going on and I didn’t know what It meant, I just felt so scared as well, my mum has gone. Not many people know all of that, I don’t tend to share my feelings well and I even to this day feel that’s still raw to be. That’s why I get so down in Januarys because it was literally the whole month it took place in 2013. Why am I saying all this now you might be thinking. The reason I am is because I wrote a song about it all and never intended for it to be heard or share how I felt and still feel but I thought about it and kept thinking why should I be afraid of how I feel or scared to tell people. So, with that being said I’ve decided as its 10 years since her passing, in memory of her I’m going to release the song on 27th January. Am I scared about it … YES Am I worried about it … YES Do I feel very emotional about it …. Yes I’ve been a closed book for so long now, but I just feel that life is too short to worry or hold things back. It did hurt me a lot and changed me too, and if I’m honest it still does today. Turn Back Time will be out on 27th January 2023 It’s the most personal song I’ve done, and it does feel like I’m ripping a band aid off. Hope you all are having a good start to 2023 Love Scott x What a year!!!Hello,
it’s me again I’m starting this with the intent to keep it short and sweet but who am I trying to kid, I ramble on all the time haha I just wanted to say a massive thank you to everyone who reads these or have listened to purchased any of my music this year. This time last year I first submitted my song “My Worst Enemy” and I’m not going to lie after I did it, I started shitting myself (not literally, but nearly), the fear of what I was about to do and exposing myself that much was terrifying, especially when I’m normally like a closed book because I find it so difficult to express my feelings or emotions. I think this stems from the days I was bullied and any emotions I use to show just fuelled the fire with them. My only way to release these emotions and feelings were in the lyrics of my songs, so when I decided to release these, it was like opening a whole can or worms in my head. Not going to lie this has had its side effects I have found on the odd occasion that it’s got to me and left me feeling down or leaving me reliving the experiences I have been through and not in a good way. But it’s all a learning curve and I know that its beneficial to tell them instead of letting it eat away at me. The feedback that I have had from these has been amazing and as I’ve released more and more its just growing and I’m so thankful for it all. People who have said they relate or haven’t seen or heard that side of me before have been very supportive. Not going to lie my latest two “Don’t Be Stupid” + “Do I Ever Cross Your Mind” have been amazing and I’m so happy, proud, and so grateful and if you haven’t already, give them a listen they are good 😊 These two also have a very personal meaning to me too: “Don’t Be Stupid” are the words I kept telling myself when I was in my darkest place now knowing how to get out and just thinking thoughts I never want to think again. It’s the realisation that I would have been incredibly stupid If I had ever gone through with the thoughts I was thinking. “Do I Ever Cross Your Mind” is the question that I have for all the people who use to bully me, try and tear me down. The people who have physically attacked me like the time I was on a train when I was 16 and 4 older teenagers attacked me leaving my face black and blue and puffed up. Like the time at school someone punched me in the face resulting in me smacking my head on a wall. The people who took all my clothes off and locked me in the girls’ changing rooms because I was “different” Do I Ever Cross their Minds now? Have they heard this song? Do they realise its about them? The fact as well that I know of a few and where they are now in life makes me wonder if they hadn’t done that sort of thing to people or tried, they might be happier, have the life they want instead of, being blunt, Fucking it all up. Yes this might have affected me and the scars will never heal that they have given me but I am happy, I am proud of who I am and I an proud of what I have achieved. With all that being said, I really want to say a massive thank for all the steaming of my songs on all major platforms and the comments I have received. The social media follows, Spotify follows, and interactions have been great. It really does mean a hell of a lot to me 😊 2022 has been a year I will not forget and has changed a lot for me as a person. I want to wish all of you, and your families and friends a very Merry Christmas and happy holidays Let’s see what 2023 has to bring Lots of Love Scott X Well, I can't actually believe that its November already!!
This year seems to have gone so quickly it's so crazy. The fact that I have started all of this music stuff this year (7th January) and I have released 18 songs on all major streaming platforms and a cover song which is available on my YouTube is bonkers. plus, the fact next month my first song off my new album is going to be released is absolutely mental! recently I have done a few remix songs ready for part season and they have gone down really well so I want to thank you for that. My Worst Enemy (remix) great for Halloween It's Perfect (remix) which I absolutely love!! Why Does It Keep Coming Back (Remix) My Worst Enemy (New Mix) I have also done 2 standalone songs "it's Perfect" and "Don't Be Stupid" I am so grateful for all of your feedback and the amazing stream numbers for these. Not going to lie when I decided to release "Don't Be Stupid" I was a little worried because it's very different to what I have done previously but it's definitely one of my favourites that I have done. Like I have said next month I will be releasing the first song from my new album so watch this space and my social media for updates on that. I have been told that this is also very different to what I've done previous and also one of their favourites, maybe I should do an exclusive stream for a select amount of people to get their opinion, let me know your thoughts on that and I might set that up. 2023 I have so much planned, scheduled and a few projects coming up and really looking forward to them and for you all to hear/see. well, this weekend I will be doing a full and in-depth house clean ready for my Christmas decorations to go up next week. is it to early? well, that's up to you to decide but it's happening Have a good bonfire weekend. Speak soon Scott x Hello there,
(insert wave emoji) How are you all doing? (Feel free to let me know) Well, I’m hoping that you are all keeping well and alright anyway, so I have had a little break from social media and music. I just needed some down time for myself and to focus ready for new and exciting things. With this I can say I done a podcast interview (gasp) I know, and I had an absolute ball doing it, it was so fun and so brilliant, and you can hear my episode of “your Life The Mix Tape” on 25thAugust 2022. In this I do reveal the title to my next song, which is out 9thSeptember, I will reveal on social media in the next week but if you want to know sooner you will have to give the podcast a listen. In this I answer a series of questions on my music tastes and scenarios, I apologise now I love to tell a story as people might already know, but honestly its hilarious even if I did get a few names wrong (oops!!) sorry. I also reveal that I have another song released in October before the first from my new album in December (and it’s a good one) The time that I had off I did have time to reflect on things and really want to thank everyone again for the whole “Voices In My Head” Journey. It was all so new to me, and it was so personal that I just needed a little break to take it all in and recharge my batteries ready for the next one. The next album will be a little different from “Voices In My Head” a lot more pop and there could be a few F.U’s in there so stay tuned. Also, while I was having my down time, I got covid and the silly little bitch wiped me out, it honestly took it out of me and I was so rundown and weak for weeks. But I’ve recovered and ready to go. The next few months there will be changed to my website and social media ready for Album Number 2. Stay week, keep in touch and sending lots of love and hugs Scott -x- It’s been a whileWell, it’s been a while since I put anything on here – sorry! What can I say I have been very busy haha!!
So, a lot has changed for me in the past few months, a lot has happened too. I have had a little break away to Wales with friends that was very much needed and was incredibly relaxing, there may have been a lot of alcohol consumed but it is a holiday after all also celebrated my Birthday there that was nice too. I sold my car, so we have gone down to 1 car, had to say goodbye to Ember my orange seat Ibiza. Honestly it was difficult I loved my car, my safe haven but it was all needed and relevant, but I do miss singing along Very loud to my music. I have started a new job which I am absolutely loving, it’s the best decision I have made and I’m so glad I done something for myself and didn’t shy away and back out as its honestly the right thing for me to have done. Yes, change is tough and difficult, and I will miss who I worked with for the last 9 and a half years but when you know its your time you know. Also, they have a radio on RESULT!!! (Weren’t allowed in the old employment) We have had to say goodbye to another Cat and today (6th May) saying goodbye to one of the most amazing cats you would have ever met, Jaspa. Jaspa got me though some of the most difficult times keeping my company and she made sure my cuddles were extra special. Saying goodbye to her is one of the hardest things because I have a lot of memories with her and my mum, so this is like another final chapter of an era. I’m just going to have to make sure that they don’t disappear forever. Its like my sister-in-law said yesterday getting a pet is amazing and wouldn’t ever change that, its just when it’s their time it’s one of the hardest things to go through. They are you family; they love so much, and you honestly do feel that from them. On a lighter note, and to finish this off, my album is released TODAY!!! Finally. Feels like I have been waiting ages for this to come out. Not going to lie I think I have nearly backed out of this 12 Times as I wasn’t sure but its done now and its out there for people to listen to and to judge haha!! I like it, I’m proud of it and it holds a lot of meanings and feelings. You either like it or hate it I guess but that is the same for everything. Also I have so much coming up in the few coming months its going to be crazy, definitely looking forward to a drink with my bestie tomorrow, cocktails in the style of Desperate Housewives. Why not!!! Stay safe, Be Yourself Scott x I never thought 2022 would bright so many changes all at one but I guess it just means now is the time.
Firstly, I managed to pluck up the courage and release my first song “My Worst Enemy” back in January shortly followed by the second, third and the fourth “Smiling Back At Me” is out 6th April. Also, the fact that I have completed my album “Voices In My Head” and its scheduled to be released 6th May. I’m very happy and proud of this album, I have poured my heart soul and emotions deep into these songs and I hope that comes across when/if you listen to it. Pre-Save Now! Track List 1.Smiling Back at Me 2.Voices in My Head 3.One Of Those Girl 4.It’s Ok To Dance On Your Own 5.Why Does It Keep Coming Back? 6.Hazel Eyes 7.Make It Right 8.Red Wine 9.For You 10.Glad 11.It’s Ok To Dance On Your Own (Remix) “My Worst Enemy” will not be included as this was released through a different distributor Every song on this album has been written by me, it has been such a journey to get these done and make them how I want them to be, but I’m proud that I have and the meanings behind them are in the song meanings section on my website. When it comes to my music, I have said this many times before, but I do it because I love doing it, I love creating sounds and writing lyrics to fit them. I love making songs and recording them I would say it’s my favourite hobby. Yes Hobby! If people enjoy listening to them, relate to them as well then that makes everything 100 percent better and I know they are not perfect but I’m still learning, perfecting them, and trying to make them as great as I can. If people don’t like them, that’s honestly fine. Music is a very personal choice, and it can change the way you feel or help the way you feel with a single song. Some people only listen to one genre or are very picky, me however I love everything. Pop, rock, R&B, country, folk you name it ill love a song from it. so, my style will change relating to the type of song I do and how I feel it fits. For example “why Does It Keep Coming Back” I loved the whole country sound and vibe and its one of my favourites but it obviously wasn’t to everyone’s taste. For me I have moods, when I’m down and feeling moody I have a select playlist dedicated to it and I stick it on, and it instantly makes me feel better and it mainly consistent of Avril Lavigne Let Go album and Under My Skin. This instantly takes me back to being 14-16 years old when I had a lot going on and things were very difficult. I think because it takes me back to that place, I realise how much my life has changed and how far that I have come within myself which I think just lifts my mood. Again, this might not be for everyone but that works for me. Wow going off topic a little, Again!! Right back to it. Also, we have been in our house a year, Crazy! In some ways it feels longer than a year that we have been there. We have done so much to it and made it nearly how we want it to be but still can’t believe it’s been a year, that we have done that in such a short amount of time. When people say a year, you think it’s a long time, but I think as you get older a year just isn’t that long at all. Its like one minute its Christmas and then its new year, birthday, summer, Halloween and then its Christmas again in a flash. And to top it off on the day that we have been in our house I land myself a new job that I’m so exited for. So, 2022 has started off great so far, I feel a lot more confident in myself and in some ways I feel very proud of myself, that from me is a huge thing. Stay safe Scott x My third song came out this week and honestly, it’s my favorite one so far.
I think this one is the most personal one that I have and will be doing because its all about feeling like there is something that takes over my body and moods. One minute I could be fine the next I could be in the worst mood ever. I have no idea why I feel like this sometimes and eventually it goes away but then I know it will come back again and that’s why it’s very personal because it leaves me questioning “why does it keep coming back” I know that my music or my songs are not for everyone and some people just don’t care at all and that’s fine, I’m not forcing it upon anyone. I do my music because it’s something that I love to do, I love writing lyrics down and then mixing loads of sound together to try and get a good tune that I like and then record it to the way that I like, yes sometimes they go wrong and when they do, they go VERY wrong, but it’s all trial and error isn’t it. My lyrics are very personal to me and its like little snippets of what goes on in my head, and sometimes I have the odd few where they don’t relate to me or my life, they are what I’ve seen or what I have thought up in my head, but I still love them all the same. I have questioned for years if I should ever release my music for people to hear and after the last few years (COVID-19) I just decided, I’m not getting any younger, its all going to go to waste if anything happened to me and if people don’t want to hear it then they don’t have to and if they do then great! So if you do like my music and like listening to it then I will be announcing something very soon, so keep you eyes and ears open. Scott x I just want to start by saying this, were in 2022!!
With everything that has been going on in the news recently I just want to say my thought and prayers are going to Ukraine and the Ukrainians that caught up in this horrendous act of violence. People are losing their lives, loved ones, family, and friends. It’s sickening to hear about or see it all unfold. I will be honest when it all started, I wasn’t clued up on what was going on, I have looked into it now and I’ve seen some things on twitter that I never want to see again but then I can totally understand why they are on there. Videos of Russians killing innocent people, dead bodies with loved ones standing crying, bodies of soldiers and children. My heart is breaking over it all and like I said we are in 2022 this should never be an option. WORLD PEACE!!! That’s what people want, let us have it. What Russia is doing is unacceptable and inhuman, we are in a time now where everyone should have their freedom and rights. I don’t want to go on too much about this as I could say things that could upset people and that’s not my intention. I have never been a fan of Russia and that’s my view from the way they treat there LGBTQA+ community but after this my thoughts are just all negative. I know it’s not all Russians as the protests to try and stop the war are such an eye opener and shows how the people in power do not listen to there own people as they are all being arrested for it. I will not be releasing any of my music in Russia from now on. Please stay safe everyone, and please keep these poor innocent people in your thoughts and prays. LOVE, NOT WAR!!!! Scott x Well that was a very blustery weekend wasn't it
So odd that in the space of 4 days we have managed to have 3 storms. not going to lie the Storm Franklin did actually scare me I have never experienced wind like it. luckily we only had a few things blow around the garden although it did sound like the roof was going to come off it was so loud. Over the weekend I have finally finished the songs that will be going on to my album, there will be more news on this possibly in a few weeks time but there will definitely be an album this side of 2022 :-) Yesterday I did have a very odd emotional day which was very out of the blue, I had met up for brunch with some friends but afterwards I come over very emotional I think its all the remembering things and how things are not like it now that got to me a bit. Today has been an odd one too as I have felt like I'm not in my own body, strange I know but I think as I haven't been sleeping great the last few nights its left me very tired and just not feeling myself. I think after these storms have gone and a better night sleep I might be alright. had a few dramas last week with my 3rd single which I am hoping have been resolved now but that did mean I had to change the original "hazel Eyes" release and put another one in its place but I'm hoping it will still get a good reception. if anyone ever does have any questions or anything then feel free to comment, or message and ill get back to you. hope you all kept safe speak soon Scott x “so why do you think your life is suddenly so important”This is the comment that I have received recently.
“so why do you think your life is suddenly so important” I’m not one to receive loads of hate or bad comments on social media, don’t get me wrong I get a few things like “I should read the bible” or “you’re a sin in the lord’s eyes” stuff like that but never anything personal or about appearance. So, when I got this comment, I was a little taken back, whether it was meant in a horrible way or a joking way I will never know but the person who said it doesn’t know me, don’t know what I have been through in my life, they are not in my social circle or ever spoken to before which was a shock to me that they had the nerve to say that. Firstly – I was brought up to believe that everyone’s life matters, everyone’s life is important, so to ask someone why they think theirs is I think is quite offensive. I have struggled with myself and my confidence for most of my life and now I finally feel like I’m in an alright place and trying to do something about it. so I decided to put it out there to try and help others or just to let people know they are not the only ones to feel like that, and I end up being told that. How did they not know this wouldn’t send be back to my old ways? I haven’t taken this to heart in all honesty but if I was a different person who couldn’t handle that comment it could have caused some serious damage to that person, so my question to them is who the hell do they think they are? And why do they think it’s acceptable to even come out with that. I have been so insecure about myself for so long that I have thought about that sort of comment a lot of my life. Do I matter? Why do I think I’m good enough? Why am I here? So, I think this really hit home and brought a lot back about what I went through. People don’t always understand either as in this world it’s drilled into us that you are born as a boy or a girl, and when you grow up you are considered straight, boys must be with girls and girls must be with boys. With all this in you head growing up it makes you question everything when you suddenly think “god that guy is good looking” I remember when I thought that and I use to crying, at times hitting and telling myself you are not allowed to think like that. I used to think I was a freak, I was strange, I was weird and that there was something seriously wrong with me. I was bullied for being different and my childhood was quite bad with all this going on. It shouldn’t matter what sexuality you are, what you identify as or what your life choices are. No one has the right to bring another person down because of it. the same as looks, no one should be allowed to bring another person down because of the way they look. So yes, I do songs about my feelings because I want to, yes, I write a diary entry about things in my life because I want to, and yes, I’m very proud of myself for it and I’m happy with my life and that is something you will not take away from me. So to this one person who decided to wake up and comment on my life and thinking I’m not that important, I feel sorry for you that you have to fill you day with negativity and hateful words to try and make yourself feel better. I said I didn’t take it to heart but maybe from this rant I might have, but like I said if I wasn’t as strong as I am now this would have seriously damaged me and made me rethink my life and no one should be allowed to ever do that to another human being. Right I’m done now Scott x Another Diary entry time, so this week has been a very strange one.
Last Saturday we had a bit of drama with our dog, we went for a long walk to get him out the house and us as we were cooped up for the whole week before with that b*tch COVID! We took a talk along the beach it was about 4 miles one way and meant to be about 4 back. It was a lovely walk a long stretch of beach and Hugo (the dog) was loving it and running around with all the other dogs about. We stopped in a town and had some lunch which was amazing but very filling, me stupidly went to a music shop and bought a vinyl which meant I had to carry it home and it was quite gusty. On the way back about 2 miles in Hugo started to not want to walk and when he got to a patch of grass just kept spinning around rolling over and eventually threw up, he kept shacking and just not himself trying to catch his breath, it was horrible. At this point I stayed with Hugo on a bench while the husband went to get the car, me being me I was in tears telling him he isn’t allowed to leave me and that it will all be ok. I felt awful like there wasn’t anything I could do for him not knowing what the matter with him was. I sat with him the whole time in the car on the way home and just cuddled him which you could tell he loved but when we got home, he was fine which was so odd, but I felt awful still so just cuddled him for the rest of the day. I have also decided I cannot watch dog films anymore. We watched the one on Netflix Hachi: A Dog’s Tale – well I haven’t balled that much in a very long time, with everything that had happened that day as well it set my whole mind off in a spiral. There were so many thoughts going around my head about the dog, what if’s, my mum and so much more it was crazy. Its just strange how things like that can set me off and make me think all the bad thoughts again, I try so much for it not to but its like it just takes control and doesn’t let me stop it. It’s been quite nice in all honesty to get back to some normality after the COVID situation, there is only so long you can be cooped up like cattle before everyone gets restless. Also, it was great to get back to the gym as well although it was bloody difficult, I don’t the running machine and honestly felt like I was going to collapse to the ground, my legs were like jelly when I come off it but I’m glad I was able to though. I always feel a little better after a workout, I feel like its such a release of everything, and I like the time to myself and being in my own zone and not having to really worry about anything. I haven’t always felt that way though, a few years ago I was so paranoid and anxious about the gym it really put me off. I used to think everyone was staring at me and laughing or judging me and making fun of me behind my back. I used to feel so uncomfortable it used to put me on edge. But I have now concluded that everyone is there for the same reason, they are not staring and even if they were then why should it bother me. I feel my mindset has changed so much on this now and I really couldn’t care less about it. if they want to look then look, if you want to judge then judge, if you want to be that person that makes fun behind peoples backs then all I can say is I feel sorry for you for being that way. Well, this turned into an essay and I apologise but ill leave you with this, its hump day!! The only way is down now to the weekend. Scott x Well this week has been bonkers, I’m just glad that it’s finally Friday!!
So it started of with that dreaded word COVID!!! (It wasn’t me) Yep she entered our house and honestly when we first found out my anxiety was through the roof. We have all seen it on the news, read about it or seen all the horror stories over the past 2 years that yes it was scary to think that bitch was in our house. Thankfully though we are all negative now and nothing really came of it, we all had runny noses and felt drained but that was about it, And 2 of us were negative the whole time so it was very strange. I have known people to be seriously Ill with it and also know of some people loosing loved ones to it so when you see the dreaded two lines on the test you do shit your pants about it. I think this tied into the 9 year anniversary of my mums death and all being cooped up in the same house together has really been a test of our patience and for me my stress levels and emotions have been all over the place. I honestly mean it when I say thank god it’s Friday as this weekend is very much needed and earned I think. Today also my second song come out and I was absolutely bricking it this week because I get worried that I’m just being a knob and shouldn’t be doing it, but that’s the exact reason why I am! Why should I talk myself out of it and put myself down. It’s about time I start to actually do what I like to do, have fun with it all and share my feelings, thoughts and just what I like to do. I have had really great feedback from it and my previous one as well which I’m so happy about and thankful. Honestly I’m so open with every single piece of feedback good and bad, I really do like to know what people think and whether other people can relate or have similar experiences. And to finish off this Diary entry I’m going to tell you that I had spaghetti hoops today, I haven’t had them in years but they were bloody lovely. Take care and have a cold weekend Scott x Today is 9 years since my mum passed away in hospital from MS, I’m not sure how many other people have been through similar experiences in life, but they are incredibly difficult.
I always find with the timing of her passing I always start to close myself off from the world and start to sink back into my skin as soon as it becomes close to Christmas, but mainly as soon as January hits. It’s a strange feeling that I get it’s like overwhelming guilt, regrets and all the times that I wish didn’t come back do. I find myself reliving arguments that we have has that could have happened years before, but I feel guilt from them. promises that I couldn’t fulfil before she passed away. The one thing that sticks in my head from when it happened 9 years ago is “don’t worry you will get over it” it makes me angry thinking about them words as it’s a lie! You never get over it the simple truth Is you learn to live with it. There is such a difference in them two so please never make the mistake to say the wrong one as it could leave unwanted memories. I don’t hold it against the people who said it as in all honestly, they may not have understood what they were saying. Please stumble in times of sadness and slip up trying to say the right thing but could potentially say the wrong thing instead. Anyway, going a little off to a different direction. Today I have found it very comforting and honestly, I’m not too bad within myself. I have had a few conversations in my head and flashbacks to places I’d rather not go but overall, I’m ok. This isn’t to say the feeling won’t come later, but just right now I feel ok. I feel like I’ve come to the realisation now that yes, I have been racked with guilt, yes there were things I wish I didn’t say and yes, we did have a few heated discussions, but I feel like they cannot be the memories that I have to go through all of the time. I want to see the happy memories; I want to feel the happiness again from the moments that we use to crack up laughing over. We use to spend so much time together that they are the moments I want to cherish and hold on to, but somethings this is easier said than done. Hope you have all had a good Monday 31st January 2022 I honestly can’t believe that this is the first month of the new year done already. Scott x |